so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
