we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
