he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
