Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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