Plan B is the new Plan A
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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