I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
