your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
