It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
