Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
