What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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