I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you never un-have a 4some
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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