i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
