Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
