Slut skills are useful in every country.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
