Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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