I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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