omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
