A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
