i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
