You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
