Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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