We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
