On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
