benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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