Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
