So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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