It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
