dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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