they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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