Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
