I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
