Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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