Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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