Redeem this text for a blowjob
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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