I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
