the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
