just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
