Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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