i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
