Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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