Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
