Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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