my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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