At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
