her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
