I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
