Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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