Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
