nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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