Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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